Spinning Activities to Avoid What We Fear

When we’re scared, we might spin up a frantic list of activities to avoid confronting our fear. The more afraid we are, the more we retreat from what spooks us by believing we’re too busy to tackle it.

Instead, block 15 minutes on your calendar to shut down all messaging and busy work. Name the perceived nemesis you’re avoiding. Write down three columns: the worst-case scenario, the current situation, and the best possible outcome.

Writing specifics under each column, you might discover that your worst case is much more likely if you stick to your current choices than if you were to mobilize your team in another direction.

Sabina Nawaz writing for Harvard Business Review

D.E.S.C.

When someone keeps repeating inappropriate behavior:

Describe the other person’s behavior objectively (be specific and don’t switch from talking about the action to the motive)

Express your feelings (as related to the goal but don’t relive the feelings)

Specify what you want to see changed (and what you are willing to change, don’t merely imply that you’d like a change) 

Give explicit Consequences if there is change (reward) or no change (punishment)

4 Steps When Addressing Inappropriate Behavior

When someone keeps repeating inappropriate behavior, try the DESC approach.  The four steps are describe, express, specify, and consequences.

1. Describe the objectionable behavior.

Poor: You’re ignoring me! You insensitive, spiteful, stubborn bore.

Better: You are not looking at me when I ask a question and you are not answering me.

2. Express your feelings.

Poor: You make me so angry I could wring your neck. I really hate you! Better: When you do this, I feel hurt. I feel insignificant and unimportant here.

3. Specify what action you want to see.

Poor: Notice I’m alive!

Better: Would you please look at me and give me a quick answer?

4. Tell the person the consequences if there is no change in behavior.

Poor: I’ll give the children up to the orphanage and leave!

Better: I’ll let you know I appreciate you looking and answering with a hug and a kiss!!