Teens & AI Companionship

“In interviews with The Associated Press and a new study, teenagers say they are increasingly interacting with AI as if it were a companion, capable of providing advice and friendship. ‘Everyone uses AI for everything now. It’s really taking over,’ said Kayla Chege, a high school student in Kansas, who wonders how AI tools will affect her generation. ‘I think kids use AI to get out of thinking.’ More than 70% of teens have used AI companions and half use them regularly, according to a new study from Common Sense Media.” -Associated Press

Inside ‘AI Addiction’ Support Groups

He would lay awake late into the night, talking to the bots and forgetting about their schoolwork. Using Character.AI is constantly on your mind. It's very hard to focus on anything else, and I realized that wasn’t healthy.” This led him to start the “Character AI Recovery” subreddit. Not everyone who reports being addicted to chatbots is young. In fact, OpenAI’s research found that “the older the participant, the more likely they were to be emotionally dependent on AI chatbots at the end of the study.” -404 Media

AI companions & Loneliness

An OpenAI study found “personal conversations with chatbots actually led to higher loneliness. Despite this, top tech tycoons promote AI companions as the cure to America’s loneliness epidemic. ‘It's like, when early humans discovered fire, right?’ Axel Valle, a clinical psychologist and assistant professor at Stanford University, said, “It's like, okay, this is helpful and amazing. But are we going to burn everything to the ground or not?’”-404Media

18 Articles about Relationships with AI

AI challenges and opportunities for relationship and family therapy examined in study – PhysOrg

‘It’s almost like we never even spoke’: AI is making everyone on dating apps sound charming – Washington Post 

I Wrote a Novel About a Woman Building an AI Lover. Here’s What I Learned. – Wall Street Journal

Inside ‘AI Addiction’ Support Groups, Where People Try to Stop Talking to Chatbots – 404 Media 

Man Proposed to His AI Chatbot Girlfriend Named Sol, Then Cried His 'Eyes Out' When She Said 'Yes' - People 

They Asked an A.I. Chatbot Questions. The Answers Sent Them Spiraling. – New York Times 

People Are Becoming Obsessed with ChatGPT and Spiraling Into Severe Delusions – Futurism  

People are using ChatGPT to write breakup texts and I fear for our future – Tech Radar 

Love Is a Drug. A.I. Chatbots Are Exploiting That. - New York Times 

People are asking ChatGPT for ‘harsh, honest’ beauty advice - The Washington Post  

An AI-created video of a murdered man is used to deliver a victim's statement at a killer's sentencing – BBC

‘Our relationship with phones has grown unhealthy’: Nothing’s AI chief explains how the Nothing Phone 3 will ‘help you be more human’ – TechRadar

Teens are sexting with AI. Here’s what parents should know. - Washington Post

Can ChatGPT save your relationship? Inside the AI therapy trend winning over Gen Z, but alarming experts – Economic Times  

My Couples Retreat With 3 AI Chatbots and the Humans Who Love Them – Wired

AI users form relationships with technology (video) – CBS News

How A.I. Made Me More Human, Not Less – New York Times

18 Articles about Relationships with AI

Instagram's AI Chatbots Lie About Being Licensed Therapists - 404Media

Romance Without Risk: The Allure of AI Relationships – Psychology Today

These autistic people struggled to make sense of others. Then they found AI. – Washington Post  

Kids should avoid AI companion bots—under force of law, assessment says – Calmatters

Meta’s ‘Digital Companions’ Will Talk Sex With Users—Even Children – Wall Street Journal

Mother feeling lonely? Pay for an AI app to give her a call – The Times 

Students, early career workers use ChatGPT as a mentor – Axios

Tinder lets you flirt with AI characters. Three of them dumped me. – Washington Post  

This Therapist Helped Clients Feel Better. It Was A.I. – New York Times 

Can AI be your therapist? Experts disagree – Axios  

Randomized Trial of a Generative AI Chatbot for Mental Health Treatment  - NEJM AI  

Kids are talking to ‘AI companions.’ Lawmakers want to regulate that. – Washington Post   

Your A.I. Lover Will Change You – New Yorker 

AI ‘wingmen’ bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps – The Guardian  

An AI companion site is hosting sexually charged conversations with underage celebrity bots – MIT Tech Review

An AI-powered wellbeing companion for teens - Wall Street Journal

In a showdown of psychotherapists vs. ChatGPT, the latter wins, new study finds – Fortune  

How Good Is ChatGPT at Giving Life Advice, Really? – SELF  

AI companions unsafe for teens under 18, researchers say - Mashable 

People are losing loved ones to AI-fueled spiritual fantasies – Rolling Stones

Anger in Relationships

No one in a relationship problem is ever totally innocent or totally guilty. With this belief, people can always keep the door open to their own faults without engaging in excessive, guilt-provoking self-incrimination. Holding back anger for even a short time and engaging in self-analysis in private has the effect of tempering the expression of anger. Confession altars our goals from changing others to changing the relationship.

Gary Collins, Counseling and Anger

20 Articles about Relationships with AI

The AI relationship revolution is already here – MIT Tech Review 

What Spike Jonze’s ‘Her’ got right about AIs & modern love – The New York Times

AI chatbots can help you flirt and date – but don’t forget to be human - The Washington Post \

ChatGPT: Will you be my Valentine? More users are falling for AI companions – Semafor 

The Rise of AI Boyfriends in China – Observer Voice

My Girlfriend Won’t Stop Using ChatGPT for Relationship Advice – VICE  

She Is in Love With ChatGPT - The New York Times

An Autistic Teenager Fell Hard for a Chatbot – The Atlantic  

An AI companion suggested he kill his parents. Now his mom is suing. - The Washington Post  

Friend or Foe? – The Verge  

AI Jesus' avatar tests man's faith in machines and the divine – Associated Press  

What Does It Mean to ‘Love’ an AI? – Sixth Tone

Madeline recreated the voice of her deceased husband with AI - The New York Times 

Robotic pets are bringing some older people real comfort - The Washington Post

The Therapist in the Machine – The Baffler

Can a fluffy robot really replace a cat or dog? My weird, emotional week with an AI pet – The Guardian

Scientists Find That Yelling at AI Chatbots Can Make You Feel Better – Futurism  

Teenagers turning to AI companions are redefining love as easy, unconditional and always there – The Conversation

AI friendships claim to cure loneliness. Some are ending in suicide. - The Washington Post

2025 Dating Trend Predictions from Relationship Experts - The New York Times

What Would You Do?

You have applied for a job and the interviewer asks you a question that lands like a bombshell: do you have a boyfriend? Then another: do people find you desirable? And a third: do you think it is important for women to wear bras to work? If you are a woman you probably know what you would do. Perhaps you would refuse to answer, complain or walk out. You would certainly be furious.

This is how 197 female American undergraduates, asked to imagine such an interview, said they would react. But they—and probably you—were wrong. The psychologists who asked them, Marianne LaFrance and Julie Woodzicka, orchestrated a real-life version of this ordeal, by advertising for a research assistant and arranging for male accomplices to interview the first 50 women who applied. 

Half were randomly chosen to be asked those three questions. Not one refused to answer, let alone complained or walked out. When they were asked afterwards (and offered the chance to apply for a real job), they said they had felt not anger, but fear.

Videos of the interviews showed how much this supposedly minor sexual harassment threw the women off their stride. They plastered on fake smiles.

In a final twist, the researchers showed clips of the videos to male MBA students. Fake smiles are fairly easy to tell from real ones: they involve fewer facial muscles and do not crinkle the corners of the eyes. But many of the men saw the women as amused, even flirtatious.

The Economist

The Residue of the Relationship

When individual members leave a family, whether through death, marriage, relocation, or a cutoff, the system will generally be quick to replace the person who is lost. Whoever the replacement is, new child or new spouse, new in-law or new boarder, clergyman or clergy woman, in the same generation or the next, he or she will replace in all the family triangles the person who has left. They will have grafted onto them all the expectations associated with the predecessor, and the un-worked-out problems that may have contributed to the predecessor’s leaving (or becoming symptomatic) are likely to resurface in the new relationships. Replacement is a function of grief, and grief is always proportional to the un-worked-out residue of the relationship that was lost.

Edwin Friedman, Generation to Generation

The artist is a collector

An artist is a collector. Not a hoarder, mind you, there’s a difference: hoarders collect indiscriminately, the artist collects selectively. They only collect things that they really love. There’s an economic theory out there that if you take the incomes of your five closest friends and average them, the resulting number will be pretty close to your own income. I think the same thing is true of our idea incomes. You’re only going to be as good as the stuff you surround yourself with.

Austin Kleon, How to Steal Like an Artist

Relational Diversity

A 2022 study found that the more “relational diversity” a person has in their social repertoire, the higher their well-being. Using the analogy of a “social portfolio,” Harvard Business School doctoral candidate Hanne Collins and her colleagues found when people socialize with a range of conversation partners — family members, coworkers, friends, and strangers — on a given day, they report feeling happier than those who converse with fewer “categories” of people. 

Allie Volpe writing in Vox

What the Surgeon General Misses about Loneliness

US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy wrote a New York Times opinion piece two weeks ago about loneliness. He called it a “public health” problem and suggested the cause is isolation.  

The Washington Post published a follow-up article based on the significant response it got to the advisory, noting: 

Some (readers) pushed back on the notion that isolation was bad for them, describing themselves as introverts who prefer solitude or distrust others in their community.

So, on the one hand, you have people being told they are lonely, and they must be fixed, who do not see a problem themselves and aren't asking to be fixed. On the other hand, as noted by a sociologist in a Psychology Today article, the surgeon general's advisory reduces loneliness to "something people often bring on themselves." The fix for this lack of social interaction is, therefore, more social interaction. But there are "many outgoing people with active social lives (who) are lonely."  

Symptoms interpreted as caused by a lack of interaction may actually be caused by estrangement. This alienation would not be solved by additional interaction but by more meaningful connections. That is, quality instead of quantity. 

Stephen Goforth

 

 

If I Really Cared

If I really cared . . .
I’d look you in the eyes when you talk to me;
I’d think about what you’re saying rather than what I’m going to say next;
I’d hear your feelings as well as your words.

If I really cared . . .
I’d listen without defending;
I’d hear without deciding whether you’re right or wrong;
I’d ask you why, not just how and when and where.

If I really cared . . .

More of Ruth Senter’s poem

Keeping & Losing Friends

Are your friendships driven by your preferences or more by your social opportunities? It’s the latter, according to a study out of the Netherlands. Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst interviewed more than 1000 people and interviewed them again seven years later. His finding: Our personal networks are not formed solely based on personal choices.

Mollenhorst says you’ll have a turnover of about half of your closest friends at least every seven years. But don’t blame it on fickleness or disloyalty. Circumstances will play a major role in who stays in the inner circle as your favorite discussion partners and practical helpers. When parts of your friendship network move away or change jobs or have babies, you replace them. As you make life-changing decisions about marriage and divorce, your best mates will be determined largely by the happenstance surrounding the decision. 

Friends come and go. But you should hold on to some of them. Who makes you a better person just for hanging around with them? Who expands your world and helps you to define yourself better? It takes extra effort but hang on to these friends. They're worth it.

Stephen Goforth

Avoiding the Transitions

Individuals will walk out of relationships, rather than letting go of the approach to the relationships that made them unsuccessful and unsatisfying in the past. Individuals will look for new jobs rather than face the attitudes and behaviors toward work and toward authority-figures that made them unsuccessful in all of their past jobs. They don’t ask what it is time for them to let go of. Instead they say they need to start over. Individuals will decide to move to a new house or a new town, rather than letting go inwardly of the old way of living that lacked meaning. They make a change rather than making the more profound transition, which would put them on a genuinely new life-path.

William Bridges, The Way of Transition

Do optimists really live longer?

number of studies have shown that optimists enjoy higher levels of well-being, better sleep, lower stress and even better cardiovascular health and immune function. And now, a study links being an optimist to a longer life. What makes these findings especially impressive is that the results remained even after accounting for other factors known to predict a long life.

Optimism is typically viewed by researchers as a relatively stable personality trait that is determined by both genetic and early childhood influences (such as having a secure and warm relationship with your parents or caregivers). But if you’re not naturally prone to seeing the glass as half full, there are some ways you can increase your capacity to be optimistic

For example, visualising and then writing about your “best possible self” (a future version of yourself who has accomplished your goals) is a technique that studies have found can significantly increase optimism, at least temporarily. But for best results, the goals need to be both positive and reasonable, rather than just wishful thinking. Similarly, simply thinking about positive future events can also be effective for boosting optimism. 

Fuschia Sirois writing in The Conversation

 

Looking for the ‘Right One’

While looking for someone who will encourage you to "be yourself", go beyond self-expression and acceptance to content and growth: Look for someone who will help the process of more clearly defining yourself. That is, someone who will not only give you "space" or room to "do your own thing” but someone who spark a chemistry, a back-and-forth, a give-and-take that produces something about you that couldn't have come up with alone. It works the other way around, too. You should spur your beloved’s growth as a person. The two of you should be able to look at the seeds inside the other and visualize the fully formed tasty fruit that could emerge.

Stephen Goforth

The Key to happiness in our later years

Each of us has something like a “Happiness 401(k)” that we invest in when we are young, and that we get to enjoy when we are old. And just as financial planners advise their clients to engage in specific behaviors—make your saving automatic; think twice before buying that boat—we can all teach ourselves to do some very specific things at any age to make our last decades much, much happier.

According to a Harvard study, the single most important trait of happy-well elders is healthy relationships. As Robert Waldinger, who directs the study, told me in an email, “Well-being can be built—and the best building blocks are good, warm relationships.” 

Arthur C. Brooks, writing in The Atlantic